the comfort zone!

Another day to spend, sitting at one of my favorite coffee shop.
Yes! another sip for a glass of coffee just overwhelms me.
Something kept me of thinking, why is it seems so hard for Indonesian to look for a job?
While there are some of the expats from another part of the world, who get the easier opportunity.

I saw a TV show having this 'bule' man hosting or be in the program.
What they need is just these foreigners are able to speak bahasa, that would be enough. or even speaking English is also suitable anywhere.
That's just an easy thing for them..I wonder why!?
Then i met someone who work as a manager in some company in Jakarta.
I mean I'm not against of any race or whatsoever, it is just really odd, that we..Indonesian people.
People who live in our own country, find it more difficult to work in our own land.
Some of us were born and raised here. what's the problem?
I can assure that Indo people are skillful enough, well ready, many of the youngsters or fresh graduates who expecting themselves to work in some decent companies! Why is it soooo hard then!?

Am I sound somewhat desperate? I am not, just curious about all of this condition of why Indonesian people seems slightly hard to get a job for themselves.
What I felt after graduated from the university, I thought, well..this is it.
I need to strive my ass off in order to get a job in Jakarta.
Just need to find my comfort zone in one particular job.
Writing, that is what I am capable of, but the material of my writing is one thing that I certainly need to explore! But somehow, being in a comfort zone is not enough, we still need to look for another thing to get challenged. As like to get another obstacles or a bump in my path, that is what I am looking for now!
Well...Alas! bottom line, I am looking forward to have a decent full-time job in a decent company!

i am expressing

it is the moment where i have had enough of everything
i do not want to be sound so depressing now, but i'm just being realistic
i am expressing...
how would you feel about the friendship you have, is nearly gonna
it is like you been suffocate down your throat, you can't breath
you will start to feel obnoxious, barely losing your grip
it was the best hands grip that you could have, then it's gone

the next thing you would do is you just try to cope with it
you would try to step back for a while
take a look from the far, yes...fairly, far enough to keep you think
what the hell am i doing now?! what should i do next?!
what went wrong!? what did i do?!
these rambling questions will racing up in your brain
like a needle stick to your skin, down the vessel of your muscle

i am hurt
i am neglected
i am unnoticeable
i am everything

you
you could have noticed
you would have love
you should not be mean
you
you would listen to me, expressing!

owning is my only sin

owning is my only sin
all the possibilities
all the open gates
it lays there, widely

i hope to your presence
i earned it,
i deserved it, until..
the struggling
the striving
and the beauty
comes to an end
again

owning is my only sin

all the possible relationship
all the noticeable existences
the green grass on the yard
the smell of the thickened soap
all the comes and goes
all the loves and loss

owning is my only sin

i am aware
of the long waits
i am aware
of the uncertainty
i am swell

owning is my only sin
i would let go
i have to let go
cause owning is my last sin

at the age of 25

At the age of 25 is where you start to strive it all alone.
At the age of 25 is where you realize that even your own family start to hate you, disagree with your decision, Dislike what you think it's right and made up some unbelievably stupid rules which you've had enough of it.
At the age of 25 is when you think you have some of good friends to rely on, but they start to abandoning you.

Have you ever feel neglected?
Me? Million times, mostly by the closest ones i have.
They began to be so careless, busy with their stuff (which i can understand that).
Then keep the distance away, and the next thing you will hear from them is their plan for marriage.
Then you would think, where have i gone for all this time? What did i missed?! Believe me, it hurts a lot.
I'd rather have a wound cut wide open than have to feel that.

It is not a matter of growing up nor old, it is not a matter of becoming wiser, it is the PROCESS of how maturity would slowing down take my hands, walking side by side, guide me.
If all of those things happened to you at the age of 25.
That means you are indeed must strive everything all alone.
Even if your family start to hating you, which mean you should try to stand up on your own, where a family will not support you anymore.
Lastly, when you think you had some people (the so-called friends) that you can rely on, but they just decided to put you aside and stay away.
that means it is time for you to leave all of those so-called friendship, and stand up for yourself.
What is the possible loss can happen for not having a friend?
Well, that society turn their back on you, right? So, why should you bother?

Me, at the age of 25, My family don't feel happy about me. The so-called friends i got, prefer to neglecting me. As a matter of fact, I am ready to strive everything all alone!
Leave all the hopelessness aside and to seize every second moves on my path!
It is not a gold which paved on my path, i like it plain, indescribable..yet, full of surprise.
Thank you Lord, for the brightest 25 years you gave me!