sendiri yang meradang

lukanya, menyeruak sembilu
menguning perih nya
kesendirian yang meradang
namun menjelma di pelupuk
mengubah pilu jadi seru

akankah? mengakar seru?
tumbuhnya deru
terpalnya hantam
menutup semu membiru

kemuning kian penuh
mengasap tak berapi
satulah jiwa
dengan gejolak hawa
memecah sunyi...dalam senyawa...liarku

..embracing the path..

walking into the looking glass
the long walks
the implementation of the path
indescribable path of life

i am reluctantly disoriented
i am the plain sheet
i am deadly impaired

walking on the sidewalks of misery
it's like a roll playing movie
a movie of the journey
inevitable reaction

i am impatiently craving
i am blind minded, a deadbolt
i am imperfection of a creature

with one of a kind of actions in summary
solemnly praying the chants
discretely amused...and i uttered to myself...embrace!!!

asa...kapan kah kau?

apa yang di punya
tak sebanding dengan semua yang kita bina
peluh memilih untuk semu

bersama nya mungkin hanya asa
namun tak begitu juga adanya
kelakar demi kelakar
bersambut dengan cita

pejam, sudah pejam rasa ini
degup, menjadi satu di pelupuk hati
terdengar riak rasa
gemiricik suasananya

lekam, sudah lekam pelu
tak jadi rasa
mengarak di ketiak semu
di kala putus nya hati
bertambat di tepian riak

ahh!
tak perlulah lagi mengecap
mengecap rasa ini
tinggal lah, di kediaman hati
se onggok pecahan jiwa
di teriknya gumpalan mentari
memecah ruang sisi jendela

kau, kapan kah kau?
hanya butuh satu kesatuan
yang utuh namun berbelah
di sana, tepian di sana
adanya gelap, tak menepi adanya terang
gelagat solek nan muram
semu, pelu, perih nan menghadang
tak menepi kesepian ini
tak kunjung juga....
tegerak, di akar nan kian jenjang

kau kapankah kau?
hanya butuh satu kesamaan
di rasa, di nyana, sentuh nya raba
kapan kah kau, datang menyambut asa..
asa..nan kian semu, namun benderangnya
yang akan terangi masa...

bulir kepergian

hilang
bukan arti dari pergi
berada
mungkin hanya akan sementara

diam
penuh rasa
menyelami semua yang pernah ada
tetes
kian tumpah menyanggupi rasa

berulang
kian kali berulang
acap kali merasa
entah dimana harus berada

rasa ini
menjadi bulir kepergian
bergulir di kala senja
menjadi asap kematian
di situ adanya

maaf??
tak perlu lagi terucap
hanya belang-belang putih hitam
mengasap, lebur bersama rasa
adalah aku, terisak, tetesnya

Hang On, We're Almost There!

An expectation is another way to believe in
Lunacy compares to the reality means nothing
The grab of its hand is on my reach
I am holding on here
Waiting as the collapse flipping back
I can't hardly brighten up its shimmer
Run..to the very last line
Speeding is my only escape


Where did all the guardian embarked?
What is exactly are you searching for in me?
I am still...emptied, the mind, the soul
Wishing that there will be another pair of soul
Matching the lost and attaching slow


Gently, my love..gently
Harshly..my dear harsh
Me, in my sacred pair of soul
Awaits and expects to blow
In a solemnly pray of the chants
Calling your name, whispering elegantly
Dear...we're almost there!

ada kah di sana?

kembalinya rasa itu
entah apa yang membawanya
lebur, peluhnya
lekam yang di nyana
kini berbekas menjadi terang

ada kah disana?
ataukah hanya?
ahh!
mungkin hanya semu
riak yang kecil
tak akan pernah membelenggu

jika benar disana
kuatkan lah!
agar semu, peluh, dan pilu
melebur, ledak dan mengapi
kembali, selamanya

renggut, rengkuh, jamah nya

renggutnya, rengkuhnya, nodai titik kelam di asa.
Tanpa celoteh merampas semua milik ku, lengah aku menatap manusia yang tak miliki naluri, hanya sakiti, tak malu..
Pilu sembilu tertanam dengan akarnya.
serapah?tak perlu..sudah hilang ke malu an nya,
tapi hanya satu yang akan selalu di bawa nya; segala renggutan, rengkuhan, yang telah di jamahnya. Diriku hanya akan berlindung di tudungnya Tuhan,
yang siap membalas tiap nikmat yang di rasa nya..
Adalah diri yang duduk menahan sembilu dengan lapang.
Aku mampu

Comes to an END

It's like you've been walking for miles, but got nowhere to stop
It's like you've been hoping so bad that the hope is beyond the reach
It's like every sip you taste but you've got no feeling to taste
It all comes to an end
A deep cut in my wrist is not dry up yet
You still can see its blood in your vessel running from the flesh

It's like the unconditional thing you did but you have to think it hard
It's like the boredom, tiresome and your effort burst into such a mistake waiting to mended
It's like all the bruises turned to yellow
It all comes to an end
A deep mourn in your cold December
You still can feel the cold and numb by the feeling.....
but you knew, you knew it must to stop after all..and there's nothing worth
Pointless!

The Singularity Entertained Me Better

The expansion in my life relies on all the cirmcumstances of a break through
The purple haze depicted in lights
It was me, sitting on the corner
Amazed by all the beauty that brought me into

The singularity now spoken
It gives me charm
It gives me splendid explanation of the boredom
The boredom has taken me alive

Brightly, captured me within
Delightly, showing me the way
Broadly, leading the way out
Simplicity, is the only answer

The singularity entertains me better
Proposing the new experience
Driven me out of the way
Yet, inspires me to move

Thankfully, i am enjoy every second of my breath
Taking me to the highest peak, ever
Simple...Mesmerizing..Surp

risingly evacuating
To the broaden horizon...

Flew to the velvet clouds!!!

redemption "1430H"

the chanting has emerged
the wisdom reflected
the forgiving has been said

i am not a saint,
not even close to such name
i am realizing
for all the holes i made
the big holes i tore
i am realizing

this night could be my last night
to cherish the light
to chanting the name
this night could be my last night

though i spare this wings to you
to hold on to it
to spread out onto it
though i am blessed

this night, this particular night
which i never gonna feel any the same
i am recalling..all the sins..all the missing
its condemnation
would conquer all
its beauty
would never be the same

i recall
i redeem
i am ME
i am waiting no more to be pulled off

bulir bulir kehidupan

bulir bulir keringat
apakah diri nya merasa
pernahkah ada rasa

ketika ke arifan seseorang
mulai di pertanyakan
apakah Tuhan akan bertanya

kemewahan
dan segala bentuk duniawi
kejam, laknat, ranum dan harum

di dalam nya...adalah manusia
dengan segala kemunafikan
ke naif an..bertanya

akankah diri nya mendapat kan nya
letak nya, dekat dengan si bulir-bulir
ber tengger dengan arif nya

Tuhan, kau yang menciptakan
ada nya segala nikmat dan karunia ini
ada nya segala laknat dan kekejaman ini

manusia, di akhir masa hidup nya
mati mati an, mencoba selalu ingat kepada Mu
dengan segenap rasa, menegak air liur nya
berucap..aku pasrah TUHAN

what is it for?

what is it for?
when the guilt sitting next to the pain
what is it for?
when you think that it's all on your hand
you just found an oasis in a desert
then you realize, that it's empty..blank

honestly, i perfectly understand
the whole tales of drama that i have been playing on
it was beautiful, i ain't no faking it, it flows somehow

then comes the black clouds
sorrow, pain, and loneliness...again
whether it would come once, twice or more
i know i would just have to deal with that even more

accusing to have a vendetta
eye for an eye, heart for a heart
you just trying to cover it up
put a shell in your heart

what funny is, i never expected the same
changes..i need some changes
i will take the pain again, walk away and smile
and uttered, that it's just another experienced to be learned

even though i thought i've had enough of it
but then, it's not enough..
dry up...dry up...
you know the question "what is it for?"
somehow you understand the answer "just to feel the pain, again" as simple as that..

my only pray

My emptiness is crawls back into my spine
The talks, the conversation that we made
It was totally non sense
If i asked God to grant my wishes and prays
I should have asked "God, if this guy is the best one for me, made us together"
"But if he is not the perfect one for me, separate us, please"
Therefore, God is given an option..
We just accept what is written by His willing

This is a journey
Where i can learn many things in life
I learned, and will always learning
From every mistakes i've made
Mend it, and moving forward
Oh Lord, i think i will pause my life for a while from LOVE


Please, please, please...
Let me learn the next lesson in life
I hope God could give me the most courages
And strength to live my life
As an ordinary girl
Who searching the simplicity in this phase of life...
Ameen...!

the labyrinth

The enlightenment of my life...
It driven by the only will of God
I had been in many, vary difficult situations
But this one, hell..i don't know how to cope with this..
My heart is like being stabbed
Stabbed by the person i care most
This room..is like a spare of a labyrinth
You need to find the way out
The way that leads you nowhere..
But then you realize, this labyrinth..
Would never be found the way out
Because what you searching for is actually there
You just don't know where to find it..

The metaphorical of this situation
It is driven yourself to knock it out
Knocked it in every hard times you had
You try your best to lead the way
Being blind is a sin
Being not knowing is only an excuse
Such a lovely place that we living in
Lord...somehow
in His creative and unique ways would lead you there
You just need to lay down,
Turn off the light, and imagined
Imagine that you will get there
Whenever God wants you to be there..

In this true tale of drama
Human, with the most irresistible way
Somehow, will find their way out..
In God We Trust....

kelakar dunia kekal

Apa itu yang disebut Cinta?
Lingkup dunia dengan segenap garis-garis
Garis berbuku yang kian menohok di kala senja
Matahari menyinari segelintiran masa

Nisan dan keranda hanyalah suatu simbol
Di kehidupan nanti nya
Para penari langit, berdansa dansi
Mengelilingi kayangan
Malaikat dan Ruh..memperdebatkan perilaku dan takwa
Tuhan, duduk menyambi bersila
Memperdaya ummat,

Lekam, Padam, Mengasap...penuh dengan kebutaan
Manusia, berada pada dasar nya atap
Membuat antrian, mengentaskan pakaian, bersolek, dan bersiap
Apa yang harus aku bawa di sana???

oh jelaga

jelaga...
kelam nya dunia, membutakan mata...
saat semua tenggelam, menimbulkan suatu asa
menjelang kepergian nya..
dia membukukan sepenggal kisah
dimana suatu kepergian yang telah lama hilang...
kembali dengan secercah ufuk di cinta

akan kah semua itu terulang
dengan jalan tertatih, menjalani sepenggal
jelaga...
apa yang ada di dalam hati dan pikiranmu
apakah aku disana?
bermain dengan warna cinta
keperihan yang tak kunjung mengering
mengasap, busuk, dan menggelap..

jelaga...apa yang akan kau sampaikan pada nya?
akankah dapat selalu menjalani asa ini
dengan degup detak yang sama?
pahit nya rasa yang menggenang
tak terasa sudah...
hanya jelaga, yang akan mengulang asa

sampaikan salamku pada penghuni surga
tarian nya yang mempesona
tajam nya lengan para pemberontak
cengkeram nya yang tajam
menembus ribuan tebal nya suara hati..
jelaga...hati siapa yang akan kau isi nanti
berpatrilah, ini yang akan jadi selama nya..

ohh jelaga...

maafkan aku jelaga

Maafkan aku jelaga,
Aku tak dapat berkata, semua rasa di dada..
Hanya kerlingan semata,
Yang berujung di kala masa..
Tidak punah, namun mengasap, pecah, bagaikan sapuan di kala mentari memekakkan telinga.
Oh jelaga..
Masihkah kau akan selalu berada disana..
Merasa satu bersama, di lain degup namun suara yang satu..
Berujung peluh,
Dan ketika..asap mengeluh di bisingnya suara..
Akan tetap terasa sama, seperti di kala itu.. Kau bersamaku..
Memecah bersama kerlingnya lampu malam..
Binarnya langit,
Hanya kamu

The Sun Beamlight

The sun beam has sparkling its light
The light has brought the new excitement in life
As the poetry goes, the excitement which will blown us away
With the greatest moment, memories, and joyful

As the raising star, and the northern star divine
They are reaching out the very best view
The desert spreading the dust
With a new wipe upon my hand

I look upon my hand,
and uttered..God..what this is all about?
am i going to be blinded or i just cannot see it?
Dear Allah..what would happen in my life ...if...

I have this greatest man in my life
He taught me many things ive never know before
And then, i had to decide
such a intriguing decision in my life
I had to let go this man..
Way beyond my reach

After all this time, i feel like
I wanted him back...
The sun beam sparks the light again
Light which i never knew what it was
It was warm..in a sudden, it was sullen

I missed the light..
I missed being tanned
I missed the way he hurl his hand up to mine..
Would it be a sin to have this feeling
The missing, and losing of someone that i really love..once?

I DO SPIN

That Night...
I woke up from the very nice sleep
The time pointing at 1 am sharp
I was realized when the shooting star blew thoroughly

My crystal ball has no spin
No turning point, NONE
The dancing tree swing their leaves

Follows the rhythm and music
I am on my own sanctuary

Swing my hips, give the very best moves...jiggling..unlike the crystal ball, i do SPIN

the universe contracts to sigh

the sun..
has dim its light
the cloud
has brought the purity

the star
greatest light
has shimmering the darkness

the moon
has brighten the sky
up in the most inevitable way

there was me...
pouring down the champagne
expecting to blow

the most irresistible reaction
there was me...
in a solemnly quietly exaggeration

pouring down,
expecting the moon
the sun and the cloud

to be in a one harmony
divinely...
beautifully images

the sip of life

It's like you've been walking for miles, but you can't find the place to rest..
It's like a million dollars you've got, but you don't know how to spend..
It's like you knew the person, but you don't know what colours he like..
It's like the no smoking sign on your cigarette breaks,
It's like a ten thousand spoon when all you need is a knife...

This life, the role playing of one's drama..has written in yourself, you just couldn't find the perfect ending of what you've been playing on..
Just like every sip you had in your dining table, you don't know when will you stop the sipping or will you sip till you touch the bottom..
Because we are the human being after all,
who played this tale of drama and waiting the string to be pulled of..

garis-garis Tuhan yang menohok

Ketika Tuhan berencana..
Semua yang sudah
digariskan mulai menjelas & beranjak untuk menggeliat.
Manusia, dengan semua rencana yang terancang dengan rapi, menundukkan kepala nya, tertegun.. Ketika rencana Tuhan mulai tergerak.. Serasa menohok di kerongkongan, semua rencana manusia tertimpa oleh garis-garis jelas milik Tuhan.. Merasa sangat di perdaya, tak ada berguna.. Adalah manusia..menerawang, merenungi, dan berusaha menelan semua garis Tuhan dengan satu tegukan air ludah, kemudian berucap ''sudahlah''.

i know we've all had a bumpy ride

I am realized, i was impaired..
there were moments where i felt unwell
it just me, uniquely gasping for the air to breath
there was something need to be fix out
somehow, deep down
i know how was my whining was boring to you
i know how was my complaints was worn you out
i realized the boredom,
i realized the tiresome,
and i realized that all of those things
would only brought me to another phase of my stage in life

In order to present the way myself
i know it just ain't that easy..
because even though, i felt that i had someone
someone you thought who would dare to compensate
someone who would patiently understood your situation
then, The Almighty..have lead me decided
a decision which was final
full of regression, tears, sacrifice, yet an avoidance and uncertainty

Again, i would stayed still
await and expect that there would be some corrections to make it better
but then, i realized..
that it might not worth to try to mend it

once a talented singer wrote
"Leave all our hopelessness's aside
If just for a little while
tears stop right here
I know we've all had a bumpy ride.
I'm secretly on your side"

I've had been on the bumpy ride, indeed
then i silently sigh..
i have had enough of the waiting
kinda awakening me, i distractedly..harshly run off
smash onto the wall
make myself hardly open my eyes
and uttered...."there i have said it, i release your pain and burden"

The next day, i just taking breath deeply..
make myself hard to gasp
inhales the air thoroughly
start to gaze at cloud again..
i will not trying to go to the woods
and seeking another berries..not that fast..
i still need to heal the wound
then...
enjoy the every single moment of the tears, and pain

well Thank you, because of you
i still able to give the chance to feel the pain
from feeling it, somehow..i can manage myself
manage carefully..just to be good
as you were always said to me
that you only want to be the goody
darling, you've already accomplished
hell i know how good you were
it just me..scratching my nails off to dirt
in order to be good..then..pop out to the new life
as someone who had learned the lesson well
which was i learned from you know who...

So...Thank You and Goodbye

*shut the curtain and turn off the light*
Hugs and Kisses
^GilangCempaka^
This note was written on behalf of my gratitude
Dedicated to someone who influenced me,
to be a person who will always learn,
make mistakes, apologize and mend it..(March 2009)

I AM ME..my last breath

It's like a storm in a middle of our last holiday
It's like a thunder in my sleep at night
I am just an ordinary girl
Who try to breath in the smoky room
I am me..thinking mostly with my heart
Logical is my only sin

When everything seem to be under control
You feel like you can handle the situation
The gloomy garden is filling your heart
Love, Passion, Sacrifice, Laughter..
All of those things are filling my life, lately

Now, i had to face the reality
A reality that i could never bear with
I am me...
Breathing with the air i breath
Walking through a fire in my life
when God granting your wishes and prays
It means He want you to face the situation
That might be very hard to overcome with
The fun, happiness and laughter has taken away
It is gone with a blink of an eye

I am me..
Please let me go, it is for your own good
I just want to be the good girl
I am me...
I want to live my life,
If it means not being with you
With hands wide open
I lead you to the way..
Thank you for everything..

18 March 2009
Gilang.Cempaka

Carousel of Life

We live in this carousel of life..
It spins as where it going to make us queasy..
But we still got to hold ourselves tight
As the ride is about to stop
We look for a step to get off from it

We made mistakes and mend it
Then, the result of how we mend the problems are depends
It depends to one another,
Just like as if we clinging to our best friends
We hold the same point of view

Sometimes, what lies beneath a problem
Is kinda hard to see
But, if we tried to disclose it
It will appear, pop out suddenly
Surprised you, with the most inevitable reaction

Some might say that it's better not knowing
Well, i thought... We've given so much ability
Ability to solve every difficult situations
Which is made followed by our opportunities upon us
Unconsciously we have to hold on the carousel
Hold it tight until the next stop...

..the tears of a mother..

It is very hard when you had to make a decision regarding your life.
You knew that you don't want to hurt one's feeling, especially it is the most important person in your life.
You thought that the person will overcome the feeling and moved on.
In fact, whenever the situation is becoming worst, you knew that you might decided the wrong thing. When you tried to make a mend, and ease the pain, you knew that it won't stay the same anymore. Then,what is it for to make a correction?
At least you had the chance.
A chance to mend it and showed the improvement..
But then, if you don't have time to show.
You will know that it just not your time,
And you will sitting there, waited patiently until you may have the time..
When it was very hard to see the tears coming down through her wrinkled cheeks
You wipe it, and say...I'm trully sorry Mom..
And the only thing you want to say is " I Love You"

I fought to taste it

Just like every pills you had taken each days, you thought, Will i ever be cured?
Or this dummy pills would only cause me another symptoms in my late 60's.
Regulation i couldn't break in.. It was made for me.
Sometimes, i feel like being stable means the world.
Then, i figured..no one would created the same.
I just need to build the courage and passion to wipe and hide the frown, create the stability and balance..then spread the joy and laughter.
It is not that hard,isn't it?
I've been fight quite long for that...
To taste all the best things in the universe...
I fought to taste it..
Then whenever i had to fall down to taste it,
I knew that i need to be in that position,
If i wanted to taste another happiness in my life..
We learned how to fall first, then we know that in every difficult situations we've made
There will be a happiness waiting calmly and patiently upon us..
We just need to embrace it, and in a most humble..raising both hands, chanting God's name..
be grateful that we still allowed to taste the sadness and sorrow in our life..

D for my logic, Darn it!

You must have fallen from the sky.
The way you think, i could never bear it with my lunatic thoughts.
It might does mean we're different to each other.
It does not any good to be the same as a person we loved.
Your logical thought had sparks me.
But then, the heart still keep wanting to take part in.
I just wish,that i could spare this heart with you.
So you can use your logical as if i drown myself into bubbles of heart to think.
Logic should defeated Love.
Yea right!
I've got D for my logic class.
Darn it!
But, what is it for whining and complaining..
You just need to realize it, that God had spare you the perfect reason for your logical and feeling.
It was made for you, so you can be who you are now..

As Adam and Eve?!

What is it like to have someone give his devotion to you?
Some might say, it would be as wonderful as you had flowers blossom in your gloomy garden.
For me, it might sweet as a candy when you suck it good.
But then, the bitter will come..
He ain't no God who'd always there, listen to your prays..
Indeedly true, Eve was made by God to company Adam..
No need to be fuss , be grateful for what He made you for.
What is it for another pair of soul, if what he does is only make a fool?
As Adam and Eve,an apple?!
Cih!

Fuck! Not Again!

The Ethiopian babies, who were crying out loud looking for a sip.
When the world narrowing down the space that we living in,
and you see there are more people seeking places as their sanctuary.
As if no air coming through.
The crystal ball just stayed still, no spinning, no moves..NONE!
As the boredom which crawls back into your happiness.
Crawling back in bed, keep the lights off is the only you had in mind.
Run away, ignored any talks, or suggestion from other.
All you got to do is only wait, waiting patiently until the front liner crashes into the ashes of boredom.
As you fainted down,
With a jaw dropping..and uttered "Fuck! not again.."

believe me, it kills!

when you heard your own voices, they conversing in your head..
like the a little bird chirping out loud, wailing in their lunch time..
you pull yourself together to make it stop..
it makes you act and urge you to think quickly..
as it starts to burdening you,
constantly makes you thinking and breathing at the same time..
believe me, it kills...