you will never know

"There's no such an 'IF' in this world and I don't believe in that, I live my life as in now and today.
I never know what will happen in the future. I could probably be dead in two weeks from now, you'll never know".
When I heard of those sentences falling out, I simply cursing myself for bringing up this conversation to him. I've been questioning to myself, is he just trying to be realistic, or just couldn't find some nice words to put in.
I paused.
My minds were spacing out in the back of my head.

I was pretty much sad that time, uttered, "come on! you really saying that to me?!"
Would it be funny if someone you care, or the so-called friend coming down to see you.
Then the only thing you would say...-with a little hold on your tongue-seems like you're doubtful, will goes "I really can't answer that question now".
Well, that lines sum up all of those great conversations we had.
Again, I paused myself from going.

There's an echoes in my brain "Hey, maybe he's just not sure, if one day he already got a lover, married or a family, probably he would not be allowed to come up and see your face. How's that sound to you?"
If that's what he would think, then...I will leave him be.
If a friendship may harmful for him. I'm not a too demanding person after all.
Bottom line, I am completely understand what he meant.
Saying that we never be able to control the future, I realized, he was just trying to be a real..realistic person. So, stop the pause and move on.
At least he know how i would feel when he talked that way. It's all cleared.

However, it's a different case of what happened to my relationship with the ex-lover some 9 months ago.
I never bugged him when he's busy with work. The next thing i heard from him was, "You can never understand me, You're just knowing I'm busy". Oh Crap! That's an asshole speaking out from hell!

Today's conversation has slightly make me think of how this life will turns out for us.
As he said, "You'll never know, you're the future, I'm the past, Eeyore".
Well, if am the future and I don't even know what will happen to me in the next life.
Then how could the one who lives in the past knowing how their life will turns??
They probably still trying to figure it out how the lives will bring them in.
Is it better to keep it light or to keep it sane? You'll never know :)
The whole of the universe is a mystery.